"Love transcends all boundaries" - A saying I had come across in my childhood; the joyous phase of life when I never realized what love truly meant. A phase when I neither cherished the love I had, nor acknowledged the love that would come my way.. and jolt me out in surprising shock in the near future.
For me, Life was a fairy tale recited by those who loved me. They made my decisions and like any fairy tale, it turned out to be good for me; and that was the course my life always took.. until he walked in. It was my third year at Engineering when they moved in as our neighbors. My heart slipped a beat each time I met him. Little did I know then that he was the man of my life.
It took me exactly a year to talk to him. A year wasted.. and then the magic un-spun. We started as friends and moved on to be indispensable to each other. Spent most of our hours on the phone, rest in texts :) The feeling was beyond words can express.. but a feeling I felt obliged to bottle up, for my loved ones. Obviously, when it comes to love, elders always have a reason for refusal, not out of spite, but because they love us too much to trust in our decision. They tend to see the cup as half empty, rather than half full. After-all, Love, unlike fixed-alliances doesn't look for a Jack of All, but a Master of One.
And so, I was wavering and tentative, on the fence, tormented and torn between a budding relationship and the pillars that stood my life so far. I refrained from accepting him, for, I feared I'd lose all my loved ones.. and it took a year and a half to break this resolute of mine.
Believe me when I say falling in love is very easy. Deciding to take it forward takes courage. But it takes most to stand up to your dad and say, "Dad, I love him and I want to live the rest of my life with him", when you already know you're up for a thrashing. I can never forget those few years of my life.. when I felt I had no one although there was everyone, when I couldn't cry although my inside was tearing me apart to do so, when I found it difficult to take a breath although I was as free as the birds amidst the trees.
We dint speak to each other for the next eight months. Those were the days my eyes used to yearn for his sight somewhere on the roads of Bangalore, hoping that he would be at the same place too, just to get a glance. But I never did get to see him. It was a fine morning and I was at my work when he called. His voice was magic to me. But he said, "I'm leaving to UK". I had tears streaming down my cheeks. I said, "Happy Journey".
Like any other girl, I had to go through what my parents called, "Finding alliance". More tears, bruises, pain, and I couldn't convince my parents. They were too tough. I decided to handle it when the situation comes and agreed to my parents. It was hard to speak to people who thought I was their prospective daughter-in-law. It was harder to stop his thoughts from swarming my mind.
And then, he called again! Just like that, my anger vanished and I broke into a broad smile that came down from the heart! I almost thought I had forgotten how that would be! I couldn't control my joy on hearing his voice. We spoke like nothing ever happened for real long. And that was how our long kept silence broke!
We were talking once again. I knew that it would land me in trouble, but I was too happy to think of it yet. Life moved on fine until the day my mom brought me back to reality. I was to get engaged. Left with no other option to call off the engagement, I explained the situation to the guy and he called it off. For me, I had saved my life. However, for my parents, I had sabotaged their plans.
Two months went by before I could even speak to them. More tears, more pain, calls and letters from his side and no amount of pleading from both of us over a year made my parents even flinch. Mentally down and upset, we were facing far too many road-blocks, rather, dead-ends. He however kept me going all the time. A constant moral support. Another year and a half passed and then he came back to India.
This time around, my mom took her time, a couple of days to give a thought but eventually said a heart-stabbing "No". I approached my dad who dint differ in response. "I am never going to agree. Go with him, but never ever come back again", was what my dad said before I left them.
We were married on December 11th 2009 and moved to London on February 1st 2010. I am happy; more than I could have ever been with anyone. To quote a friend, "Its amazing when the person you love is around you all the time". I have all the love that I could ever ask for from a husband. I am liking this small break in my career too. Taking time to do what I had always loved to do; reading books, stitching, writing and pursuing a new found interest, cooking. But there is still this void which my parents have left. They haven't replied to my emails and texts and not responded to my calls. I am pretty sure they dont spend a day without thinking about me, just the way I do. I miss my home like any girl would and I badly want to hug my parents, argue with them about cricket matches, mess my room and get scolded by my mom, kiss my dog and take her for a walk.
I have a friend who believes that for something we desire to happen, three things should line up. Personal effort, surrounding circumstances and time. My efforts are on and circumstances are something I cannot control or change. Probably, it isn't time yet. I am sure that someday, my parents would understand what he really means to me. And on that day, these three things would have lined-up and I would be the happiest person. But, it just isn't time yet.
- Veena
